Shinigami Problems
by hawakawah
Summary: AU. Being a Grim Reaper kinda sucks. Having Mr. Spears as a teacher sometimes sucks. Failing to reap a soul sucks and pissing of a cold, condescending, filthy rich, passive-aggressive modern day earl AND his demon butler/tutor sucks. Having to work for the overbearing earl while juggling Soul Reaping duties really sucks.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: At the end of 2012, I had posted this exact same fic. Unfortunately….I forgot my password to this account AND the password to the email I would've used to change it.**

…**That's what I get for not updating. I'm so serious about updating this time. **

"For this essay, you all, obviously, should be using the Tumblin Method." Ms. Thailern said, sternly. Many students rolled their eyes.

Sneaking a covert glance around the classroom, I cracked open my small, black, leather book underneath my desk, and opened it to the bookmarked page.

There was a picture of a young, pale-skinned man with freckles, medium-brown hair, and hazel-colored eyes.

_Name: Theo Martinez_

_Age: 24 years_

_B.O.B.: 5-6-1988_

_Occupation: Mailman_

_Family: Son of Alyssa and James Martinez. Father of Pedro Martinez. Husband of Diane Martinez._

_TIME OF DEATH: 11:43 AM._

_It's a damned good thing I signed up for off-campus lunch, _I thought. I glanced at the clock.

11:24 AM.

Okay, one more minute!

The moment the bell rung, I hurried out of the classroom, shoved my belongings into my locker, grabbed my jacket and lunch pass, and slammed it shut.

I ran out of the school, whipping out my Blackberry and checking the time.

11:40 AM.

But my clock was actually two minutes faster, so it was really 11:38 AM, which left me with five minutes.

I huffed. I'll be damned if I was having Overtime for not reaping a soul on time.

I glanced at the road, and that's when I saw Theo, waiting for the light to change.

I gulped. Even if I was a Grim Reaper, knowing that someone's life was about to be taken back, in just a matter of moments, really freaking sucked.

I walked up behind him.

And, as usual, no one saw me. When a Reaper harvested a soul, they went unseen for the most part.

The sign changed to 'walk'. Theo stepped out onto the street. When he was about half way through the intersection, people began screaming frantically at him. He didn't hear.

The SUV hit him with full force, and Theo was sent flying into the ear, and landed in his head, with a sickening '_crack_.

I walked up to him (still unseen), and took off my small ax-shaped earring, and watched it expand into a life-sized double-sided ax.

"Theo Guerra Martinez, twenty-four years of age, time of death: 11:43 AM, cause of death: massive head trauma…"

After Theo's Record Cinema film strips disappeared into his Book of Deeds, I took out the same old stamp and imprinted 'COMPLETE' into it.

-x-

I stared warily as my Algebra II teacher droned on and on about logarithms. Ever since I died and came back as the youngest American Grim Reaper, things freaking SUCKED. I picked at my nails in boredom and hoped the class ended soon.

My wishes were apparently granted, because just then, Mr. Garrison stepped into the classroom, and motioned for me to follow him. I happily gathered up my belongings and followed him out, ignoring the stares of various students.

-x-

"I am terribly sad to inform you, Ms. Monet, that today marks your last day at MATCH High." He said, placing a hand on my shoulder and looking at me sadly.

I mentally whooped.

"That's fine!" I said, quickly. Who the hell cared?! Today was my last day! I could have said anything I wanted to, dammit.

I brushed past a surprised Mr. Garrison and gathered my crap, and promptly hauled-ass outta there.

-x-

When I exited the building, I was greeted by my boss, Mr. Allen- the Head Reaper of the Massachusetts Soul-Reaping Branch.

Mr. Allen wore a crisp white suit, thin-framed glasses, and had his long blonde hair slicked back into a very tight ponytail. He peered down at me, adjusting his glasses.

"Ms. Monet. Are you aware of why I pulled you from your current school?" He asked.

I shifted nervously. "Not...exactly."

"Why, I removed you from that school because...well...as a Grim Reaper, you are immortal. And for the past couple of years, Ms. Monet, physically, you still have the appearance of a fifteen-year-old girl who looks like she's twelve, who's really seventeen who is a mere five-foot two."

I scowled. "Most high school kids don't grow rapidly."

"The humans will begin to get suspicious. And you know how nosy and annoying they can get. It's merely a safety precaution…..among other things that I will not go into at the moment."

"Where will I be going, then?"

Mr. Allen took a deep breath.

"Evelyn...you will now be taking lessons under your boss, in the Birmingham, Britain Soul Dispatch Department."

My heart literally stopped beating.

"ENGLAND, Mr. Allen? Why couldn't I just go to another school here?! I don't know ONE thing about that place! And that means that I'm going to have to go to ANOTHER Reaper Department!"

"Ms. Monet, please do understand that compared to the grown reapers, you are a teen. Your new boss has two other young charges, so he has more experience when it comes to dealing with folks like you."

Out of seemingly no where, Mr. Allen pulled out two heavy duty books, and placed them in my arms.

"These are for you, Ms. Monet. These will help you. I am giving you a five day break. I expect you to know everything you need to know by the end of the time allotted. Now off you go, the bus will be arriving in exactly five minutes."

And with that, he disappeared.

I groaned loudly and shoved my books into my backpack.

-x-

I glared out of the bus window. What school would I be attending? I'm pretty sure it would be a stuck up, snobbish, stereotypical British school.

-x-

I walked into the empty place that was my 'home'. It was really just an illusion. I had talked Mr. Allen into letting me continue to live in this world.

The moment the door closed, Mr. Allen appeared.

"Alright, Ms. Monet. Five days to memorize. You leave for Britain on the eleventh of February. Your boss will give you exactly two days to settle in. On the fourteenth of February, you will attend classes under your boss."

"Yessir." I sighed.

"Good."

Mr. Allen made a portal to the Massachusetts S.D.D. to the Birmingham, Britain S.D.D.

We found ourselves in front of a ridiculously tall skyscraper that was composed only of glass. All of the surrounding buildings were made of glass, as well. The sky, as usual, was completely grey and white. All in all, it looked very futuristic.

The moment Mr. Allen walked up to the doors, the slid open by themselves.

-x-

Down a hall, up a flight of stairs, down another hall, swerve to the left, down _another _hall, swerve to the right, then left- then Mr. Allen's office.

I glanced around in distaste. Mr. Allen's office was a psycho-ward white. The walls, the rug, the desk, the chair. Hell, even him.

I sat down and spun around in his white swivel chair to face me.

"Ms. Monet, do say hello, to your second boss."

I turned around.

This guy stood out like a sore thumb in this office. His pitch black hair was combed back, and he was in a crisp black suit. In his right hand he held...hedge-clippers? He adjusted his thick glasses with his gloved hands, and regarded me silently.

"...Um...I'm Evelyn Monet."

He nodded. "You may call me Mr. Spears."

**-_- As you guys probably already know, that was- you know what? I don't want to ruin the surprise for those who don't know. **

**'Mr. Allen' mentioned that Evelyn's new boss has two younger charges. They're just...two certain reapers, but younger.**

**Any ways!**

**Constructive criticism is welcomed, reviews are appreciated, yada, yada, yada.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji. If I did, there'd be no Mangela.**

* * *

_"Ms. Monet, do say hello, to your second boss._

_I turned around. _

_This guy stood out like a sore thumb in this office. His pitch black hair was combed back, and he was in a crisp black suit. In his right hand he held...hedge-clippers? He adjusted his thick glasses with his gloved hands, and regarded me silently._

_"...Um...I'm Evelyn Monet."_

_He nodded. "You may call me Mr. Spears."_

_-x-_

I shifted uncomfortably under the intense death-stare of my new boss.

Sensing my discomfort, Mr. Allen tried to cheer me up. "You know, Evelyn, Mr. Spears has two young Grim Reapers under his charge. Ah- who are they?" He asked sheepishly, turning to Mr. Spears.

Mr. Spears adjusted his glasses (again). "Grell Sutcliff and Ronald Knox are my charges. They're not that much older than you. I trust you three will get along just fine, seeing as you will be working together for many Soul Harvesting tasks.

The hell. I always worked alone. Now I'll have to have partners? I felt like crossing my arms.

"I trust Mr. Allen already told you that you will get a five day break to learn everything you need to learn on English culture?"

"Yes."

"Mr. Spears." Mr. Spears firmly corrected.

Bitch, pleeeaase.

"Yes, Mr. Spears." I mumbled. Rolling my eyes.

"I see we will have to do something about that rebellious American teenage attitude, as well." He commented dryly, adjusting his glasses.

I felt Mr. Allen staring at me. I felt so embarrassed. Obviously, I would be getting a _mouthful _after this.

"And I trust Mr. Allen told you that I will be retrieving you on the eleventh of February?"

"Yes, sir."

"Very well." Mr. Spears said, with the usual arrogant British pomp.

He made a gateway into his territory and turned to me, right before stepping in. "Ms. Monet?"

"Yes, Mr. Spears?"

"Do brace yourself, for there is much to be learned."

And with that, he stepped in and the gateway closed.

I bit my bottom lip and waited for Mr. Allen to speak.

"Evelyn?"

"…yes?"

"What on earth was that?"

"…What was what?"

"Don't play clueless with me, young lady. What was this whole ordeal with rolling your eyes at the Head of the Birmingham Dispatch, not to mention mumbling?" Mr. Allen asked, going into his subtle bitchy mode.

"I didn't mean to, but he was-"

"I don't want a repeat of this." The blonde said, staring at me.

I stared into his pale blue eyes with my lips pursed. "Okay."

He sighed allowed me to leave.

"Don't forget to read those books!"

**-x-**

_(Shinigami Apartments)_

I spent the rest of the week (and Saturday) reading those boring textbooks. I knew how to convert U.S. Dollars to Pounds, the schooling system, the laws, and most of England's history- which was admittedly interesting. Somewhat.

I was packing everything I needed for tomorrow (Sunday, February 11th) into a suitcase. Most of which was hair products. You had no idea how monstrous my wild, curly hair could be without mousse, spray-gels, gels, serums, and deep conditioners.

After I was done, I put it on my bed and left my small apartment. The whole moving thing seemed to really hit me then and there.

I glanced at my door- apartment 444- and sighed, before making my way down the seemingly endless halls, and down the huge grand staircase.

**-x-**

I poked uninterestedly at my sandwich, and listened half-heartedly as my friends (Grim Reapers, of course) all bombarded me with questions.

"Hey, I heard you were going to England!"

"You're lucky…"

"Aren't you going to Birmingham?"

"Really great city, I heard."

"Me too."

I rolled my eyes. "What's so great about it? Screw the whole moving thing, I'm fine right where I am, damnit."

A friend of mine, Jahnette, spoke, "But at least you'll have two other companions your age."

"The oldest person at this table is twenty. That's basically still a teen. It might as well be." I muttered.

After dinner I said goodbye to all of them, and let them squeeze me to near (second) death with hugs.

I let myself fall melodramatically onto the bed and stared at the ceiling.

There was no way that I was sleeping tonight. No friggin' way.

…But I fell asleep anyways.

.

.

.

I was woken up at 6:30 AM sharp by the alarm of my Blackberry.

I scrambled out of bed, and got ready.

.

.

.

The moment I put my hair in a bun, someone knocked on my door.

I opened it and mentally groaned. Mr. Spears!

"Yes, it's me." He replied, as if he read my mind. "Now, Ms. Monet, are you sure you have everything packed?"

"Yes, sir."

"And I trust you read all of the text books?"

"Yes sir."

"I'll have to see about that. Who was the first kind of England?"

"Wessex King Egbert. He ruled 802-39 AD."

"Thirty-six U.S. dollars into pounds?"

"23.67 British Pound Sterling." I replied.

"Children ages 11 to 18 receive?"

"Secondary education."

He nodded his approval.

I glanced at my apartment door one last time, before following Mr. Spears- my dreaded new boss, down the hall.

When we arrived, I couldn't help but look around in awe.

The place looked like it was suck in the Victorian Era, but it had a modern- day twist to it, such as slide-open doors, and even some escalators.

"You have half an hour more to catch up on rest. Grim Reapers here don't wake up until 7:30 AM. I will have Grell and Ronald direct to you to the Great Hall for breakfast, and then they will give you a tour of the realm."

"Yes, sir." I replied.

I followed Mr. Spears to my new apartment.

I was met with a door that was painted a deep red color, and it had the gold inscriptions of :_ Apt. 347 _ engraved on it.

Everything looked so old-timey but elegant- and rich. It was way bigger than my old dorm, that was for sure.

"I don't see my bed."

"This is the first floor of your apartment. You have a second floor. Your room is located there."

Holy hell. Two floors?

"Yes, Ms. Monet. Two floors." Mr. Spears handed me my keys. "Don't lose them. Settle in." And with that, he left.

.

.

.

Everything was so cool. It's like I had my own house. My room was friggin' awesome.

I laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling. "I think I'll like it here."

I was distracted, though, when I heard a shuffle coming from my old-timey wardrobe.

I got up and stared at it.

"Um…is anyone there?"

Silence.

I walked up to it and pulled open the doors, and screamed.

"Shh! Shh!" A blur of red hair demanded. "Ron, gag her!"

"I can't do that!"

I stared at them in horror. "Who in the freaking _hell _are you two?!"

"Oh, you're strange!" The red mass exclaimed.

The bright mass of red pulled its really long hair back to reveal green Grim Reaper eyes like mine, and a grin. A really shark-like grin. Everything on her (…or him?) was red. The brows, lashes, glasses, hair, clothes- _everything. _I mean, I love red but this dude just looked like Elmo. He or she looked about sixteen.

"I'm Grell Sutcliff~!" The feminine boy said (yes, he. The voice gave it away), pressing his red-gloved hand to his forehead. "A Reaper to simply…_die for._"

Another boy winked at me and waved cheerily. The top-half of his head was blonde while the bottom-half was a pitch black. His eyes, too, obviously were the supernatural green. He had thick, black frames, and wore a button-up, with black skinny pants and a matching blazer. He wore white gloves, and wore brown Ugg Reefton Canvas shoes.

"And I'm Ronald Knox. But you can call Ron. And when I say you can call me Ron, I mean ya kind of have to. I don't like Ronald."

I nodded slowly. "So…I'm guessing you two are my new partners…?"

Grell flipped his hair over his shoulder. "Seems so. Don't think we're not going to put you to the test!"

"Why were you guys hiding in my _room?"_

"We had to see our shitty partner!"

I glared.

Ron apologized for Grell sheepishly.

"Get out."

"Don't tell Will, okay?"

"Who's Will?"

Grell face palmed loudly. "Mr. Spears."

But then again, you could've just said that.

"Fine. I won't tell."

Grell grabbed Ronald and left sashayed out. As the door slammed shut, I wondered what in the hell had just happened.


	3. Chapter 3

I couldn't sleep. Nervousness was gnawing at my gut so tried to distract myself with watching bad horror movies (the low-budget 2005 kinds), until 8:15 rolled around. 8:15 meant breakfast time. I didn't have my friends to sit with, I was the freaking new one.

I changed into the uniform- a button down blouse with black trousers, and black flats. The blazer was _usually _optional but Mr. Spears said that since I was new and whatnot, I just _had _to wear it. I rolled my eyes and threw my dried out curls into a high bun.

The moment I stepped out of my room I was face to face with the Ronald kid again. Grell stood a bit further behind Ronald and looked at me up and down. I noticed it but ignored him.

"We're going to the Breakfast Hall, as you probably already know. In America, I'm sure it's just a large cafeteria in which reapers sit wherever they want. But in _Britain_, there's two rooms. One for adolescents and young adults to share, and one for old people. And by old I mean twenty-seven and up. But they're now immortal or whatever so whatever the hell, you know?"

I nodded.

"Her hair is _dry and frizzy._" I heard Grell whisper not-so-subtly to Ronald.

He needed to shut up because he honestly looked like the Koolaid man.

"Stop." Ronald said back to Grell. "Be nice."

"No. She's a stank hoe." Grell whispered back.

I turned around and glared at him. "YOU'RE the stank hoe! With your all-red outfit. You look like you've been rolling around in Doritos."

Grell gasped and Ronald laughed.

"Excuse me?!" His eyes narrowed from behind his red glasses.

"At least I'm not..."

I paused, eyes narrowing. "What? Say it."

"At least I'm not...an ethnic."

It was my turn to gasp.

"Really bitch? Really?"

Ronald held up his hands. "Er...Evelyn, don't pay Grell any mind, okay? Er...there's plenty of Asians, blacks, and Hispanics here."

I ignored him. "Ever been to a dentist? I'm surprised your teeth haven't cut your tongue to bits by now, _puta_."

"This is Britain, bitch, we speak English! And PROPER English, not that rotten American slang!"

"Wow! Are you really serious right now? First a racist, and then a fascist! What a person!"

Ronald and his weak attempts at playing the mediator was ignored. Grell and I erupted into full-blown arguments. I was so tempted with take out my ax and hack his rear to-

"_Just what on earth is going on?"_ A cold voice asked.

We all silenced.

It was none other than Mr. Spears! I closed my mouth and stared up at him nervously.

"Um..." Ronald started.

William stared at him coldly. "What time is it, Ronald?"

Ronald looked pulled his sleeve down. "8:30, sir."

"Then I suggest you go to the Breakfast Hall right away, which you should have done instead of playing Mother Teresa." He stated coolly, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

Ronald walked briskly away.

Mr. Spears raised his hedge clippers and hit Grell and I on the head. Hard. I grimaced and Grell squealed. "I didn't do anything! He started insulting me-"

"Ms. Monet, I do not believe I asked you to say anything."

"But-"

His stone cold glare shut me up.

"The both of you can head to the Breakfast Hall, _after _the other reapers have eaten. You guys will mop the floors and clean all of the dishes that belonged to the rooms you were supposed to be in."

"But _Mr. Spears-_" Grell whined.

"Silence."

"I haven't eaten though." I said, trying not to let the irritation creep into my voice.

"You should have thought about that before engaging in a petty quarrel. Hopefully you will see how useless acts such as this results in precious time wasted."

I stared with a "what the hell" face.

"Foolish facial expressions will not be tolerated."

...Do you know when you're so annoyed you just feel like grinning or laughing? Because this was seriously happening to me right now.

Like now I can't even stare at something without being chastised?

"Okay." I grumbled, and turned to walk away.

A pair of hedge clippers blocked me.

"Here in this Department, Evelyn, we do not merely offer an 'okay'. It is 'yes, Mr. Spears."

"Yes, Mr. Spears." I said, pulling the bottom of my eyes down in exasperation.

"And you may not go back to your dorm. You and Grell will wait in the Lobby 12 until the clock strikes 8:45 am."

"...Can I at least-"

"No."

I sighed. "Okay, but-"

The clippers neared my face. "YES, Mr. Spears, but what _if _ he doesn't show me, and gets me lost deliberately?

"By the vague 'he' I am assuming you mean Mr. Sutcliff. If Mr. Sutcliff pulls an act such as that, he will be given Overtime. Now, to Lobby 12 immediately."

He turned around and shashayed down the hall.

What a diva.

I heard heels clicking in the other direction. I turned around and reluctantly trailed after the red blur of evilness and everything ignorant.

Lobby 12's theme I suppose was beige and gold . There were columns that stood in the corner of each room. The walls were a mixture of gold and beige, too. They looked like kitchen countertop granite. There was a golden desk located near the wall that was currently uninhabited.

Grell collapsed dramatically one of the many chairs and groaned loudly. He slung his feet up on the arm rests, his (unsurprisingly) red Doc Martens swung lazily back and forth.

"_Thanks a lot you ass." _I whispered to myself.

"You're welcome, you ass!" Grell snapped at me loudly.

I growled and marched to the farthest corner of the room, and plopped down into a chair.

8:45 am rolled around. I was careful to keep an eye on the Red Blur so he wouldn't sneak off without me. And I absolutely hated it. I was dependant on an assbutt.

-x-

As I walked in behind Grell I scanned the Adolescents/Young Adult Breakfast Hall.

It looked like a giant cafe. There were circular tables with seats all throughout the room, and many currently empty different food stations were lined along the walls. The signs said Mexican food, Ethiopian food, Japanese food, even Puerto Rican food. But currently the smell of breakfast filled the air.

I can't believe I missed this! My stomach growled in agreement.

Ronald walked up to us, grinning.

"See the door at the far right of the hall? Just go right in. All the dishes are waiting for y'all."

"I'm not washing that." Grell sneered at me.

"Excuse me?"

"You're excused."

I rushed to the sink and started washing the dishes.

Grell snickered and sat on one of the other sinks, and started to fill out his brows. What a flame.

.

.

.

I washed about half of the plates and left the room.

"Where are you going, you brat?!"

"I washed my half of the dishes. The rest are for you to do, duh."

Grell glared at me. "How dare you!"

I rolled my eyes. "How dare me? You're the one sprawled across the sink like a dying walrus."

Grell gasped. "Did you...did you just call me..._fat?"_

I stared at him wary. "I didn't... but now that you mention it..." I smiled and walked out of the backroom.

-x-

I was in the middle of the Hall, submerging the mop in a huge bucket of water, getting ready to mop the day away when I hear the growling of an engine or something.

Confused, I turned around.

Grell was coming at me with a freaking chainsaw.

What in the hell?!

**"YOU DIE TODAY BITCH!" **He screeched, launching himself at me.

And yeah….this is why I should've stayed in MA.

* * *

**So yeah...that happened. XD. Leave it to Grell to get all murderous over an insult that could have easily been taken down with a simple comeback. But this is Grell we're talking about.**


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